It was obvious that Greendale was a nightmare college from the moment the show began. The slogan “Welcome to Greendale: You're Already Accepted! ” doesn’t exactly inspire high expectations. Yet the school still found its ways to disappoint. Even an indifferent jerk like Jeff become enraged enough to fight for his education.
Reaching such record lows with each passing semester is a feat. Graduates of Greendale who contributed to the school's awfulness can at least say they came away from the institution with one thing: creativity. Let's acknowledge their efforts by taking a look at just how horrible things got.
10 Chang Created A Child Security Squad
Chang's squad first showed off their training when incendiary speeches at the memorial of Star-burns sparked a riot. Jeff started the chain of speeches when he claimed the college was an inescapable prison that “sucked its students dry”. The final speech delivered by Pierce called for the school to be destroyed. Students jumped to action, throwing furniture through glass panes and robbing the Subway of its ingredients. Chang called in his riot squad made up of children to defuse the situation. They did this by shooting pepper spray directly into the eyes of individual students and beating them with batons.
9 The Cafeteria Roof Caved In
40 years of poorly thrown frisbees collected on the cafeteria roof. The final frisbee to join the pile caused the roof to collapse in season 6 of Community. Frisbees flooded the cafeteria floor before pouring out into the halls. Students were toppled by the heavy wave. The cleanup and roof repair put extra pressure on the school’s dwindling budget. Frankie Dart was hired to get the school’s things back on track. She achieved her goal by doing away with many questionable practices at the cost of the few Greendale quirks that students actually enjoyed.
8 One Of The Only Good Teachers Resigned
The greatest lessons that Dr. Kane taught in his biology class were about justice. He refused Jeff’s bribe and caused him to rethink his life. When Todd was being bullied by his study group, he gave them one collective grade to encourage unity. These life lessons always related back to biology.
The reason why Dr. Kane resigned is unclear but it occurred right after the death of Star-burns. As he was one of the few sane teachers employed at Greendale, his absence was a massive loss.
7 They Started Awarding Dogs Diplomas
City College planned to release an ad revealing Ruffles the Dog had earned a degree at Greendale. Upon further investigation, Annie discovered that the dog had completed all coursework but never graduated due to unpaid library fees. This information could’ve been used to refute City college’s claims. Dean Pelton decided to release the information anyway to show his awareness of the school’s past mistakes. The confession also confirmed that literal dogs could earn Greendale degrees. An education at the institution reached a new level of worthlessness.
6 Chang Became Dictator Of Greendale
Chang took advantage of a campus riot to kidnap Dean Pelton. Those who opposed his rule were expelled for starting the riot. That left Chang free to implement his tyrannical reign. Statues were erected in his honor and banners bearing his face were thrown over the walls. Child guards patrolled the halls to stop any students who dared rise up. These new features, along with his extravagant birthday party, turned out to be quite expensive. Chang managed to drain the school of all its funds before he was overthrown.
5 The Greendale Flag Was Redesigned
An off-screen competition was held by Dean Pelton to create a new Greendale flag. At the beginning of the “Basic Rocket Science” episode, he announced the winning design was a blue flag with a pink circle occupying its lower half. At the circle’s center were three overlapping lines. Dean Pelton has come to realize that it was a minimalistic interpretation of an anus. The slogan “E. Pluribus Anus” surrounding the circle and a traitorous tipoff from Annie contributed to his epiphany. The study group was punished for submitting the design but the flag stuck around for the entire series.
4 Course Enrollment Was Decided By Physical Competitions
An unexpected number of students turned up to the first History of Ice Cream class after an unknown mischief-maker circulated false admission passes. Dean Pelton elected to choose a smaller group based on a competition called the Hunger Deans.
History of Ice Cream was the only history credit course offered in the Season 3 semester. That meant students were forced to participate in the dean’s humiliating and unsanitary contests to earn their spots. Students on tight graduation schedules, like Jeff, would fall behind otherwise.
3 Cheap Food Turned The Students Into Zombies
Dean Pelton purchased meat from an army surplus store in order to cut costs on campus. After several students fell ill, it was discovered that the meat contained a mysterious and lethal contagion.
One of the early symptoms was a hunger for human flesh. Bites further spread the disease. Within three to six hours of infection, all victims would overheat and die. Police officers and EMTs arrived in time to treat the affected students. Though they were saved from this catastrophe, the incident was indicative of Dean Pelton’s dangerous corner-cutting.
2 A Hacker Leaked The Emails Of Everyone On Campus
Racist comedian Gupta Gupti Gupta was set to perform on campus when a hacker demanded the event be canceled. He made Lunch Lady's private emails public as his first warning. Britta convinced everyone not to give in to the hacker out of principle. The study group's emails were released next, exposing snarky comments that tore the friends apart.
Gupta was allowed to perform and the rest of the campus's emails were exposed. The next day, fights broke out in the hallways and vandals covered the lockers in graffiti. An event like this would've had an eternal impact on the campus dynamic.
1 The Fallout Of Every Paintball Episode
Hosting a paintball free-for-all in an enclosed area filled with fragile equipment has its downsides. The school was an utter mess by the end of each paintball episode. There is no way that Greendale had the funds to cover those damages year after year. Sections of the school must’ve remained in disarray for extended periods of time. Perhaps this long list of paintball-related repairs is why Dean Pelton was always scrambling for new ways to fund the school in the first place.
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July 07, 2020 at 05:30AM
